Retro FPS


Whence Thence Hence Insane Inner Tube

by on Sep.12, 2013, under Ruminations

I found myself reminding everyone around me about the value of hard work.

They didn’t give a shit.

I found myself reminding myself about the value of hard work.

Neither did I.

The lesson? It takes two to win “Dancing With The Stars”. It takes dedication to not give a shit.

Here endeth the lesson… an’ that.

“You make me feel like dancin'”


I-a, like-a, do-a, cha-cha.

Leo Sayer, 1975… or something


Did you ever notice that absolutely NOBODY, I mean, NOBODY, knows how to cartwheel correctly? Eh? WTF is that all about?

“C’mon an’ do the Conga”



Black Lace, sometime in the 80’s


You know that feeling you get? Like when you dream about missing an exam, and you’ve forgot to put your clothes on?

I feel like that all the time… and there’s no medication for it (so I’m told… or else everyone likes to laugh at me…)

“We are the good-squad and we’re comin’ to town… PEEP PEEP!”


mmm..Peep! Peep!

David Bowie, “Fashion”, 1981 (I think)


Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when their ordinate is explaining a critical issue at work, and all you can think of is how their face looks in a sauna with Bertrand Russell’s pet chow?

That really pisses me off, just sometimes though.


I picked up some fruit in the supermarket the other day, and I ate it, right there on the spot, honest.


As my dad used to always say stuff.


The difference between a duck is that both its legs are the same. Really think about that.

Not Sure If Serious, but anyway... Peep! Peep!

Not Sure If Serious, but anyway… Peep! Peep!


Sometimes, like now, I get these panic-attacks and I think I’m gonna die, but I didn’t. Because I can’t type this if I’m dead.


One day, about 25 years ago, My mother was throwing out some old furniture yesterday. Just to piss her off, I shouted “Mum, what does Eviction mean?


I don’t know if Bertrand Russel even owned a dog.


Ummm. Everything Is … Peep! Peep!


Do you?


I was asleep one night, then I woke up in the morning.


I was finding it hard to get new dev ideas. So I stayed up all night. A cop saw me standing outside my house, he says “What’ya doin’, bud?”. I says ” Waitin’ for the cat to come in to put it out”.


I was eating custard the other day and I thought of the Alamo


Custard Is NOT Yeller!


You know when you’re cooking fried eggs, and they spit the damn oil at you? Thats shite, eh?


Its really sore if it hits you on the cheek.


There really should be less chicken-urine content in eggs, then they wouldn’t spit oil on me when I try to fry them.

Chickens know this and have formed a non-urine chicken coallition.


Ummm… Cluck! Cluck!


To be a real part of the human race, you must know at LEAST two psychos… at LEAST. I know three (Including myself).


Mother…? Mother…? Peep! Peep!


… Guess thats what makes us human… Spock sucks…


Peep! Pee… Illogical Inner Tube…


When the chips are down, the oil isn’t hot enough.


I used to listen to my Dad reprimand dogs that shat in our garden. Why then, at age 4, and showing ultimate initiative, did I get the living shit kicked out of me when I told a dog that intruded into our garden to “FUCK OFF” ???


I used to think that I was royalty, until my Mum explained that we were “Royally Fucked”


Heavy concrete airplanes don’t fly at all. I know. I tried one. It was shite

Out of the way... Peep! Peep!

Out of the way… Peep! Peep!


I took a trip to the countryside once. There wasn’t anything there. What for?


I love my pet cats. And they reciprocate. Believe me. I found a reciprocation on my bed one night.


My wife loves me for what I am. Fucking God help her.


Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be winning lottery numbers, two bags of lightly roasted turnips and free tickets to Morgan Freemans stand-up cartwheeling ensemble.

Mr. Dolye Says SO!

Mr. Dolye Says SO!


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